How & Why I’ve Changed

If you looked at videos I filmed exactly one year from today, and compared them to now (the end of 2017 and the beginning of 2018) – I’m sure you could tell there is a drastic difference in my persona.

How?

Well, for starters, I was actually quite miserable in 2016.  HB and I had basically picked up, sold our house and moved across the country, leaving both of our families, all for the sake of HB’s fellowship. The friendships I’ve forged there will last a lifetime, don’t get me wrong, but we both really missed our families.

And Houston.

And Tex-Mex.

But mostly Tex-Mex.

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All jokes aside, though…my job was dramatically harder than anyone could have even anticipated–even my employer.

I had basically signed up for what amounted to a field-test position as an Anesthesiologist on-call  2/3rds of the year.  I lied to myself for a long time, but I was miserable.

However, in the latter half of the year, everything fell into place. Our months-long search for a house fell into our laps on the very last day possible (let me know if you want me to do a video on that doozy of a story). Hurricane Harvey hit us two weeks after we moved in, but we sustained little to no damage. Our baby girl was born just a few short months later. Lots of blessings.

To be completely honest, I never thought I would be the type of person saying this, but having my daughter has been the missing puzzle piece all along. I’m not what you would consider a particularly sappy person, but am instead the “secretly sentimental” type.  My whole life I’ve quite prided myself on being independent, never needing anyone or anything to make me as a person happy or defined or complete.

But.

Then I had Harper.

Then I had Harper.

A lot of you who watch my videos have mentioned that my happiness seems to have tripled lately, especially those of you who have been watching for many years. I think a lot of this is a combination of being done with the rigorous amount of training required to become an anesthesiologist, as well as finally getting to put down roots, having a child, starting our permanent positions. Everything has really just fallen into place these past few months, and I couldn’t be happier.

My next hurdle will be returning to work after ~3 months maternity leave, and figuring out my work-life balance as both a career Anesthesiologist and new mom.

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  • Great Post! Love your loafers in the pics..and the infamous Zara sweater! I can absolutely tell that you are much happier now than last year; but even in last years vlogs and videos you were upbeat and fun to watch 🙂

  • Lisa

    Love this! I could have written the line about having spent my whole life priding myself on being independent and not needing anything or anyone to make me complete. I’m almost halfway through residency now, and while I love my job, the burnout is real and posts like yours helps me see how good things will be when I’m finally done my training. We’re waiting a bit to have kids (I don’t love the idea of having a baby with years of residency still left ahead), but seeing you so happy with Harper makes me look forward to the future. 🙂 I’ve been a follower since you were in med school and I was doing my med school applications, and I don’t remember ever seeing you this happy – it’s so nice to see that things are going so well for you. I’m only halfway through vlogmas (residency, amirite?), but am loving it. Hopefully your transition back to work goes smoothly when the time comes!

  • You absolutely do seem happier. And I’m SO happy that you have a beautiful home in your city surrounded by family. Congratulations, Kristina. The latter part of 2017 was good to you! Many blessings for the new year.

  • Launi Joy

    Your regained happiness is definitely apparent, as there is no constant mention of stressful work hours.
    I worry for you as new mom finding a work/life balance while being able to feel whole. I am sure your mom will have a lot of pointers for you. But trust mom guilt is real.
    Love the grey pearled sweater. Gurl!!!!! 😘

  • Vanessa L Holt

    Wonderful post, Kristina! My husband finished his fellowship in June and has been with his new practice and it’s wonderful, I’m not going to lie! We Also have two young boys! I understand having to move all over the country for training and leaving family, friends etc. I am so happy for you and this post ☺️

  • Chris Rampersad

    Great post. Maybe its common to think in a year so little can change but then some years are just filled with change. This year 2018, I’m getting remarried, a shock in itself when I was had been married a couple times already(long story) one being 20 years long that ended 7 years ago. I actually liked being single. I had a boyfriend after being married, which after 4 years didn’t work out and after that that I knew how much I liked doing for just me. I struggle with ‘doing to much’ much for my fiance when I think Id love someone to do for me. Yet we added more change and are buying a townhouse, planning a simple wedding, moving…yeah its life, crazy stuff when everything was so calm before. I look at it as an adventure but I have my days. All the best on the job and sweet Harper.

  • Katherine Koenig

    I would LOVE to hear your house search story!! I have also noticed a DRAMATIC difference in your enthusiasm as of late and I have LOVED seeing you and HB so happy!!!

  • Sharlee Coffman-Cook

    I have to say that I have noticed that you seem so much happier, even my husband commented on how you sound happy. I love watching the evolution of love and parenthood through your vlogs. Thank you for continuing to share your journey!

  • Maggie Benav

    I have noticed a major difference and it’s due to your baby girl. You have this new attitude that seems to reflect through your newer videos, a good new attitude.

    Becoming a mom and having a career is something that is not for everyone, there are some that say you can’t have it all, BUT I think differently. My husband and I are law enforcement, him federal and me state and OH MY goodness are the hours terrible with different shifts and all. My baby goes to daycare and the guilt that sinks into my heart is unexplainable. BUT nothing matters when the time we both have with her, it makes everything 💯 Better.

    So continue doing what you doing and enjoy every minute of your baby girl.

    Best of luck. 😊

    We all love ya girl!

  • Suzanne Hartwick Maraday

    I would love to hear your house search story! And being a working mom is no easy feat, but you’ll figure it all out. Love that you are sharing your amazing journey with us. Enjoy the rest of your maternity leave! I hope it goes by super slow for you!

  • T Rose

    I’m old enough to be your mom and have been a subby for years. At one point, it was like watching one of my own kids lose themselves. Your content, your persona, your obviously grounded genuine self all changed. Maybe it’s maternal instinct but I found myself saying “oh no Kristina!” a lot. I guessed that the exterior was probably a result of a struggling interior but, of course, none of us really know you….. So, rather than unsubscribe, I hung in there, as we mom’s will always do for our “kids”! Welcome back.

  • Françoise Prosper McMillon

    I’ve learned for me it’s “work/life integration” rather then “work/life balance”. I agree being a Mom is so awesome and it’s the best thing I ever did.

  • Xan Landsittel

    You are doing a great Job! Being a Mom is the best. Enjoy it they grow up soooo fast. Mine are now 20 and 18.

  • Eileen Pesso Slater

    To me you seem like a very joyous person! It amazes me how you can fit it all in!

  • Mei

    I have recently started following you and I love your blogs and vlogs and all that jazz! I am happy for you that you have finally settled down and wish you and your adorable family all the best. Sending peace and blessings your way! 🙂