Identity and Motherhood

When you become a mother, something inexplicable happens.  I’ve mentioned this before in a previous post, and on my Instagram, but your identity changes.  For me it wasn’t overnight, but instantly there was that sense of overwhelming unconditional love when my daughter was born.  It’s so cliché but it’s cliché because it’s true.  Instantly there is another human in the world who you would give your life to save, and she doesn’t even know your name (yet).

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What happens later, though, is an identity change. There’s a shift, because now there is a completely helpless human at your whim.  It can be difficult to come to terms with–especially in the first few weeks. Just a few short days ago you could go out to a movie and dinner on a moment’s notice. You didn’t care if the dogs barked at the door, if only so as not to annoy you. Your body, though changed immensely, wasn’t recovering from anything. You slept through the night and only awakened because your pregnant belly was pressing on your bladder.

You’ve lost this sense of an independent identity. It’s gone, and it will never come back.

Instead, you’ve gained something…well, so much more. You’re filled up with love for this tiny human in your arms. Because they are so dependent on you, you switch into a routine of caring, feeding, changing, bathing, repeat–and although they have taken your heart prisoner, you have Stockholm Syndrome and aren’t interested in getting set free.

Eventually as the years pass and my daughter gets older, I’ll get more of that freedom back, but it will come at a price. I imagine it will come at the cost of less cuddles, more of her own personal freedoms, pushing boundaries, curfews, and sleeping over at friends’ houses.

I’m not sure I’ll ever want to make that trade, but I’m sure it’s inevitable.

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  1. Tina
    01.06.2018 / 12:46 pm

    This is a really good post, Kristina. And I can say it’s 100% true. That’s why 12 years after having what I thought was my only chid, I decided to have another. My identity has transformed yet again. It’s what this miracle whirlwind called life is all about! Best wishes to you!

  2. 01.06.2018 / 2:30 pm

    Love the write up!
    <3 Harper is one lucky girl to have you as her mom 🙂
    PS – the moe you are flaunting your Balenciaga, the more I’m getting obsessed with it!
    Have a great Day!

  3. Danville Belle
    01.06.2018 / 7:14 pm

    Beautiful post. As someone whose 4 children are almost all grown (23, 22, 19 and 17), I can tell you – cherish every moment, and it just gets more and more fun and interesting as the years go by. 🙂

    • amanda72
      01.06.2018 / 8:17 pm

      Yes I couldn’t agree more mine are 20, 19, 12 and 7. I have to say with my youngest surprise I’m taking the time to cherish every sweet moment with her

  4. @LadyHattie
    01.06.2018 / 9:14 pm

    Beautiful post! Being a mom is the hardest job you will ever love! I look at my son who is about to turn 16 and it blows my mind how much love I can feel for this person. Best club ever. Enjoy every moment, the days are long and the years go by fast. ?

  5. Eileen slater
    01.10.2018 / 11:02 am

    I am a new subscriber and I already love your videos! I am a much older subscriber but I can still remember being a new mom! I know I will continue to watch and support your channel. I enjoy how calm and happy you are! It is a great escape from the news and issues going on around us! Thanks!

  6. Lauren See
    01.12.2018 / 3:13 pm

    I’ve always admired that you were a professional woman, who wasn’t afraid to embrace all things “pretty shiny sparkly” which can be difficult. I feel like I’ve been judged for it in the past! And now that you’ve joined the “mom” club, I have even more respect for you. I can’t wait to see how you develop your content and grow into this new version of yourself. Keep up the great work! <3

  7. 03.05.2021 / 2:36 am

    Hey Kristina,

    It is really difficult to manage both but the way you explain it will boost our confidence. I am a single mother so it will definitely helpful for me.
    Thanks for the amazing tips.

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